It is now Sunday night and my family is watching the Dallas Cowboys play in their new stadium. The Houston Texans pulled a win off today so my husband is a happier guy. We have had a very eventful weekend.
Saturday started with me going to work. I met a very sweet lady who is wanting to sell her home so that she can move closer to her son and grandchildren. I felt the need to hug this lady. She reminded me so much of my grandmother, only a little taller. And as she decides to put her home on the market that she has owned for 40 years she begins to tell me stories of her kids growing up. She used to wait to wave to her child's teacher from across the way and when the teacher waved back, she would allow her son to walk over to class. At the end of the day the teacher would wave back and her son would walk back home. That doesn't happen in today'a world. And there are kids and families out there who do not get to celebrate the first day of kindergarten. Unfortunately we are one of those families who will not get to see their daughter achieve that milestone. This sweet lady just made me smile as she was telling me stories. I think that I am lucky to at least have one happy little boy to celebrate life. We miss our little girl, and we pray that if it is God's will, we will be blessed with another one. We are putting our lives in his hands and letting him be the boss.
We ventured up to College Station to cheer on the Texas A&M Aggies play a football game. My nephew is starting for them this year so it was extra special to go to a game at a school where I graduated from and see a younger generation of my family play. My mom in Heaven would be so proud of him. I remember days when I was a kid and she would cheer so loud for the Aggies. Now I know where I get it from. In a lot of ways I am truly my mother's daughter. We had a minor mishap and Chase got separated from us, but some very nice police men found him. My heart sank for a few short minutes. It makes you realize how quick they can get away from you. Chase is on the right and Mitch is on the left. These 2 boys have so much fun together.
We are now in the process of teaching my 2 1/2 year old what his mom and dad's names are. When they asked him he said "mommy" and "daddy". So he is now in training at the house.
We went to church this morning and as usual it seemed like Pastor Mark was speaking directly to me. I do not think that a Sunday goes by that I do not break down in tears when the music starts. It just really gets to me and I miss my little girl so much. I get teary eyed every time. Today's message was about your "story" and how your story changes when tragedy happens and what good comes from that. I sat there with tears in my eyes and thought about my story. Which is now the story of baby Jordan. She was here for such a short time and we are hoping that her "story" can reach tons of people. Pastor Mark talks straight to my heart when he talks about God taking people to heaven. He chuckled but said that maybe God likes that person who passed away better than us. They are the lucky ones, we are here to live our life and struggle daily with good and evil. She is the lucky one? I believe that, but it just tears at my heart when I think of her gone. Randy and I have work to do on our family "story". How will we be able to impact someone else's life for the good? We definitely have work to do. We are hoping to continue to help support SIDS research to help save babies. This cause will remain on our hearts and we want to do something every year to celebrate her little life and raise awareness and money for research. I need to continue to do something to help others. Even if that is continuing this blog so that it stays in the minds of others.
There are days that go by when I do not think about her every hour, there are still times that I feel guilty when she slips from my mind. I know that is not right and not fair on myself. She is in a better place. But I just REALLY, REALLY miss her. It has been 4 long weeks since she went to Heaven. There are times it still feels like just yesterday.
Randy's parents are coming to town for doctor's appointment tomorrow, so we will get to spend the evening as a family. Chase is excited to see his Poppy and Grandma. We just keep taking it one day at a time.