I can not believe that it has been a month since my little girl left us to be in Heaven. Some days are still better than others. I still cry when I am in the car alone. I have made the investment in a good water proof mascara. Cover Girl seems to hold up the best for anyone who is interested. I listen to KSBJ, our local Christian radio station A LOT these days. I find a lot of comfort in the music. Fortunately for me, work has kept me very busy, and right now busy is good. The negative part is that my job is taking away from family things that I need to take care of. I have several items of dishes and Tupperware to return to my very sweet friends and neighbors who have helped get us through the rough days. I feel bad that it is taking me this long. We really are blessed to be part of such a great neighborhood of people who banded together to do things for us. The prayers have been tremendous. I really have to believe they are the reason that we have been able to have some sense of normalcy in our life. The prayers have really helped. I am still getting cards in the mail and Facebook messages from friends who are still thinking about us. Keep them coming, we still need them.
I really miss her. I think that at times it does get to me. I try not to get short with my family, but it happens. I just get down and think that life is just not fair. I know that this is all part of the grieving process. We learned from a pastor who came over to visit that there are 5 stages of grief. I think at times that I vary between all of these stages throughout the course one single day. Driving in my car alone is not very good for my mood. That is where listening to KSBJ comes in handy. There are days that seem like she was never part of our life. And then I think that I want to make sure that a day doesn't goes by that I do not think about her. It is hard to admit but life does go on even though our loved ones have left us. For me I still have moments when the loss of my mom 6 years ago still seems so hard. Now I just have to believe that she is in Heaven holding her granddaughter. That helps give me strength.
We are still talking about our "stories" in church. I really do not know when the road I am on is going to take the next turn. Even though you are still in the middle of a tragedy, people close to you still have potential life changing things come up. Life does go on around you and sometimes we still do not know why. What is the next chapter in "my" story? I still feel that a big part of me is to be a mom and to raise good Christian children who will have a positive impact on the world. We pray that God will help us with that. Having a third child would be a wonderful blessing to our life. Chase will be a great big brother. He only had a short opportunity to get started in this role.
We have been very busy working on the BBQ Benefit to honor baby Jordan. We have some big plans for this event to help raise money to contribute to SIDS research. It will get bigger as the years go on. We want to do something every year to celebrate her life and to help families be able to avoid this pain. The planning for this year is going well. We are going to have FABULOUS BBQ plates for purchase, along with a washer toss tournament to participate in and a Silent Auction with a lot of great items to bid on. If you are in the Houston area on October 17th, we would welcome any visitors to the event. Randy and I will have name tags on with her picture. So many people have offered their time and money to help this event kick off. We feel very blessed. Pray for a sunny day and lots of visitors.
I promise to followers to post more often. I am searching for articles from SIDS to post as well and hopefully have this site as an informational source for parents too. Thanks for reading and God Bless You.....