It was time to get back to work and try to start life as a parent who lost a child. What will everyone say? No one really knows how to act around you and I wouldn't either. We are all doing OK and taking it one day at a time. It feels good to be back in the office and around people who care about you. Randy and I both work with a great group of folks and feel blessed.
The hard part is what do I say to someone who knew me pregnant and now asks "How is your little girl?" That is difficult, but all part of going through this cycle of life. How many others have similar pain in their own hearts that I do not even know. When we meet people we do not ask those deep down questions. I would like to know if I can help someone else share their own previous grief and add them to my prayers. We all have internal holes in our hearts and I do not think that the one in mine will ever really go away.
Being back at work feels good, most of the time. I have photos of Jordan up with her sweet little smile and find some comfort in those. I miss her dearly, but if I were to stay at home alone at this point in time, I would be a basket case. Getting back into a normal routine is good for us all. It keeps my mind occupied and I have clients to help.
I listed 2 homes in my neighborhood this week that belong to friends. It is sad to see good friends move away, but it is nice to know that they trust me with one of their largest asset and have confidence in my abilities. Real Estate can really keep you busy. I also have a buyer in town who I have been working with for a year and they have finally sold their home in New Mexico and are ready to buy here in Houston. Co-workers showed them houses while I was dealing with our loss and we finally got the opportunity to meet and tour homes together yesterday. Wrote a contract this evening on a home they love. That is a good feeling. I truly enjoy my job and helping people find their dream homes. There is some real satisfaction in finding them the right home. And for the past 2 days I have been able to keep my mind off of what has happened.
Tonight as I type thoughts of her are coming back and tears hit my cheeks. Chase asked me this evening "Jordan is not here?" Yes I tell him. "Where is she mom?" What a good sentence I should tell him, but it caught me so off guard that I tell him" she is in Heaven" OK was his response. Like that was the most normal place to be. Little kids mind's are amazing at times. Randy said that he talked his ear off today, I guess he finally does have part of his mother in him :)
Time for bed, we are heading to San Antonio to visit family for a reunion tomorrow. More tears I am sure, but it will be good to be around family.