The first bill from the hospital came today. I see the date 8/21/09 on it and I get upset. You would think that you should get some sort of grief discount when your baby doesn't make it, like a bereavement package. How can I have bills from her death when I am still dealing with hospital bills from her delivery? Sometimes life just isn't fair. I wouldn't mind paying bills everyday for the rest of my life if it would bring her back. But we all know that is not possible and she is in a better place. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. God doesn't give us challenges that we can not handle. I do find strength in those words.
I have found a great website that offers some help and support to those who have lost someone. Her whole funeral service was about hope and what happens if you lose it. Hope is all we have to live for. I think that if we are fortunate and if it is God's will for us to have another little girl, I would like to name her Hope. The quote below is about the point when you hit rock bottom. I am afraid that I have not gotten there yet, but there have been some better days. From what I have been told about grief there is a day that it all just hits you. I have not had that moment yet. I find comfort every morning when I wake up and know that my sweet baby girl is up in the arms of her Nana Pat. My mom has been there for 6 years and I miss her too! Every day.
The picture I just added to the blog was of my 2 kids the morning that Jordan passed away. They both looked so cute in green with their red hair. I felt compelled to take that photo that morning. Strange, but I guess that was God's work. I called my mom the night before she passed away just to say hi. I had just talked to her the day before that, but I felt the need to call her.
I still ask why...why have I lost the 2 females that are the biggest part of me? I just take it one day at a time.
Thanks to everyone who is reading and following me. It feels good to be able to tell our story. I guess you can call this my on line journal. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for the donations that we have received. Hopefully we can help raise some awareness to keep another mother from having to write the same words as myself. One baby saved.
"When you get to what seems like a hopeless place in your
life, hold on a minute longer. It is right at that point that the
tide is beginning to turn." --Clara Hinton (http://www.silentgrief.com/)
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear." --Psalm 46:1-