Saturday, August 22, 2009

Our Worst nightmare...

It was just a regular day. Or so we thought. the morning did not start quite like usual. Our sitter took the morning off so that she could take her youngest to meet the teacher at school. I had a meeting early that morning and Randy was at home with both kids. We traded off at 9:30. I spent an hour hanging out with Jordan and Chase until they could go to the sitter's house.

I took a great photo of Chase holding his baby sister on the couch. I was using a new camera and wanted to test it out before meeting with a client later that afternoon. Sure glad that I took that photo...

The rest of the day went as usual. Until 4:00. I received a call from my sitter that Jordan was not breathing and that the ambulance was taking her to North Cypress Medical Center. I didn't ask any questions, at that point I couldn't, I just knew I had to get to the hospital. I called Randy who was at home and he was on his way too. It seemed like forever until the ambulance would get there. I kept saying "why don't I hear the sirens" "Where is my baby girl"

What we found out was that Jordan had laid down for her afternoon nap. She was a little extra fussy and was not sleeping very well. They went in to check on her 15 minutes after laying her down and she wasn't breathing. The ambulance worked on her for 20 minutes there at the house while Randy and I paced the ER. Once they finally arrived, we watched them work on her for what seemed like an eternity. Timing still is all a blur at this point.

We had a ray of hope for a short period of time, her heart was beating on it's own and they were able to stop chest compressions. They were arranging to have her life flighted to the Children's hospital downtown. But the weather took a turn for the worse and they grounded all flights. It has not rained in Houston for months and now it decides to get bad?? Why is this happening? We prayed so loud that there is no way that God did not hear us.

From that point on we lost all hope. Jordan lost her heartbeat again and they were not able to get her back. I will never forget that image for the rest of my life. They tried so hard but God had other plans.

We had to talk to a sheriff and the medical examiner. Tough questions...did you drink or smoke during your pregnancy? Was she sick? Did she have any congestion...she cried a lot so I don't really know the answer to that one. She just had a very healthy 2 month check up 2 weeks prior. The Doctor said she was doing well. She got her first full round of vaccines and was not happy after that. We spent a whole week holding her all the time, she was extra fussy after the shots. But that too had gotten better. She ate great and was growing well. I was nicknaming her my chunky monkey.

After they stopped CPR I was waiting for them to announce the time of death like they do in the shows on TV, but they didn't. They just all walked out and gave us some quiet time with our little girl. A final farewell from two parents who loved her more than life itself. What do we tell Chase, he is only 2. At that point he was all I could think of. How can I now protect him from this tragedy as well?

How do you say goodbye to a 9 week old? What is there to say? We are supposed to protect them and keep them safe, not say goodbye in a cold ER room.

We were not able to pick her up cause they kept the tubes and all they were using to try to bring her back connected. I held her little hand and told her I loved her. Just like I did every day.

From that point it was still blurry as well. The police officers who were still at the sitter's house finally released Chase to go with friends to eat dinner and take a bath. All the while he really did not know what was going on other than "the boys are taking baby Jordan to the doctor".

My sitter went through her own nightmare, doing CPR on an infant and waiting for the ambulance to get there, along with her own children who had to watch it as well. They are in 5th and 8th grade and this was so hard for them too. They are like our second family and love my kids as if they are their own.

Members from our church came and prayed with us over her and a Father from a nearby church prayed her last rights. At that point I wanted as many prayers over her to make sure she was going to Heaven. Our dearest friends were all there to hold us. It was amazing to feel so much love. I remember asking anyone I saw who had some sort of experience with this how they talked to their kids. I had to find a way to protect Chase.

We got home and the house was full of friends!!! Parents showed up around 11:30 p.m. and I felt like it was an outerbody experience. People were talking about a lot of things and trying to keep us busy and distracted and all I remember is her. Where is she now? Is she alone?

We finally layed down to try to sleep. I think we saw the clock turn 3:30 am and I closed my eyes and all I see is her little body on the ER table. How do I get these visions out of my head. Prayer is all that can get me through this night. I almost crawled in the single bed that my son was sleeping in so I could just hold him.

Good night sweet baby Jordan.

1 comment:

  1. Jaime, words cannot express what I felt reading your story. Every day & night since my son was born on 2-26-9 I worry about SIDS. He is a healthy boy, though. I guess that's why I read your story even though I knew it was going to be painful. We don't know each other but we are both mother's & both sister's in Christ. God bless you & your family in this extremely difficult time. I am glad you can BLOG about this, I am sure it is lethargic for you. She was an angel on earth, now she's singing with the angels!