We were awakened on Saturday morning around 5:30 to Chase crying "Mommy". Randy's parents were still sleeping in the room next to him and I had finally gotten a few hours of shut eye myself. I went in, picked him up and brought him into bed with us. We try not to do this too often so we don't create a habit. But who cares about the rules this morning. Yesterday was a very rough day.
For a split second I thought it was all a dream, until I looked in the empty bassinet in our room and realized that it was not a nightmare at all but a reality. Chase goes back to sleep until 8:30..very unlike him as well but much appreciated by his exhausted mom.
He goes through his routine in the morning telling every one that "Daddy wake up" and "Mommy wake up" and "baby Jordan wake up". We told him that she was in Heaven and not here. His 2 year old mind replied "baby Jordan is at the grocery store" I guess to him that is his idea of Heaven. We didn't correct him, there will be enough time to give him details on Heaven and where his sister is later.
We all got up, turned on the coffee pot and said "now what do we do?" I received a call from Life Gift to ask for donations of any organs that Jordan may have to help someone else. I wasn't sure at first how to answer this question when they called the night before, we had just walked in the door at that time and my little girl was in the back of the Medical Examiner's van. Not a good time to ask that question, so I asked if we could discuss with them in the morning.
Well that call had come and I was quick to respond "yes" she doesn't need them where she is, there are no organs in Heaven. After a very long 30 minute phone interview about where Jordan and I have been in the past 5 years, from every possible country on earth to every possible drug that is available to take we finally completed the interview part. I asked what they were going to take and can I find out if she is able to help someone. The heart valve is what they could try to save to be able to help a little baby or use for research to help save someone in the future. What a great gift to provide? But too much time had passed and the ME office had already started the autopsy. I was disappointed, I am trying to find a way that something good can possibly come from this tragedy.
We talked about funeral homes and cemetery locations....having never been to a funeral in Houston I had no idea where they were at. You never see what you are not looking for and up until this point there was not a need for one of these.
Someone mentioned Klein Funeral homes and we decided that we wanted to have the service at our church. We made the appropriate phone calls and appointments and spent the rest of the day with family. Chase played and was very excited to have both of his grandparents around. My brother and sister in law came over and so did several of our friends. It felt good to be around family and friends who are just like family to us.
The food also started showing up, every instinct when there is a death in a family is to cook. I think it is just part of our human nature. A way to show comfort and help the family not worry about cooking. We are very appreciative for the generosity. We are truly blessed with great friends and family. I will probably post this statement several times because they mean that much to us. The fridge was cleaned out and the new food found a home.
The phone rings and it is the medical examiner's office, they have completed the autopsy and she is free to be picked up by a funeral home. Oh my goodness...this is still not a dream? My baby girl is in a cold morgue at the medical examiner's office and she is all alone. I need to help her. They have no other news to relay. The cause of death is still in pending status.
We tried to get into the funeral home on Saturday but they were busy. A funeral home too busy to meet with you...that was a scary thought to me. I guess that means that there are other people going through the same emotions at the same time as my family is. What a circle of life we live.
We decided that going to Saturday night service at church was the thing to do. We could not have thought of a better place to drown our sorrows than in the house of God. Ironically the service was part of a series of answers to questions from the church members. 2 weeks ago they had a weekend where the congregation could send text messages to the pastor and his staff live during the service with questions that we needed answers to. The response was overwhelming that they are turning in the next weeks of services into Answers sessions to the 900 text messages that were sent. Tonight was "Why do bad things happen to good people?" What a great question to have answered for us at this time. I cried the whole service, but did feel better. It seemed like Lance was talking directly to me.
We made arrangements for the funeral with the church for the following days and went home. I felt some sort of peace, but still very confused and very sad.