With every end there is a beginning? I read that in a Facebook post today and it made me stop and read it again. That is such a true statement and it can apply to everyone at some point in their life. Another Facebook friend is starting a new job today after leaving another one, that is her new beginning. What is mine?
When we started this journey of life after our little girl I would have never wanted to call it a beginning, but in reality it is. The beginning of my life as the mother of a SIDS child. I continue to look each day at what I can do to help others. How is this tragedy supposed to help me start my new beginning?
I pray a lot more and I am closer to God than I have ever been in my life. I sit with Chase every night as we pray for all of his friends and their animals each night and every time I want to add to that out loud prayer "God please watch over his sister". I am still afraid that he doesn't understand it all and I do not want to upset him by talking about it. I find each day that I am strong because I do not want to upset others. I am not sure how healthy that is on the inside for me. I hold a lot inside, I always have, it is a trait that I got from my mom. She was the same way. I still can't get through a service at church without shedding a tear. Some of it is because I am overwhelmed with emotions and that inside His church, I can feel him closer to me. Scriptures say that when you are your weakest moment, he is with you more. I guess he has been with my family quite a bit lately.
I ordered a copy of Jordan's death certificate today to provide to our insurance company. That was a hard website to go to. I did not have to talk to anyone on the phone, it was all done over the internet. That made it a little bit easier. I am going out to the cemetery tomorrow to take a look at tombstones for her tiny grave. We want to find one that represents her precious life that will last forever.
We finally had a dose of good news in the Connell Family. My husband's mom has gone through a whirlwind of tests after the doctors found a spot during her yearly mammogram. They saw what looked like something in the background on her lung. After several tests and surgery last week to remove a third of her left lung. She is CANCER FREE!!! Yea. It was nice to have something to celebrate something. She is at home and healing a little bit each day.