After 4 1/2 long months we finally have an answer......Natural Causes. That is what the medical examiner's office concluded. That is when they call it SIDS. I knew in my heart that was going to be the outcome, but WHY did it take them so long to confirm what we already knew? There is a very large disconnect between the ME's office and research organizations that are working on finding the cause so that we can find the CURE! At least I have some closure to it.
Over the weekend we got a call from our Bible Group leaders, one that gave me goose bumps and a de-ja-vu feeling. One of our study member's sister was at the hospital, the same one we were at with Jordan, and they too lost their baby. I suddenly had flash backs and tears. What a horrible day for them. They were calling to see what the protocol at the hospital was, they were trying to get in to see their baby for the last time. My heart just reached out to them. I felt that God had put us with this group so that they would be a support source for us, and now in turn we can be there for someone else. Even if they just want someone to cry with. I have done plenty of that myself. And still do, I probably always will. But it is not as often, I have a comfort that she is in the arms of my mom and God in Heaven. There is no other place for my sweet angel to be.
We have made progress on her tombstone. It will have a vase that we can keep flowers in, 2 baby footprints and a baby angel. We have added the words "Those we have held in our arms for a little while, we hold in our hearts forever" I love those words, they are so true.
Things are going ok in the Connell family. Christmas was a little difficult not having her here. But Chase added so much joy. He was so excited for Santa to come. The morning of Christmas he woke up and was upset that Santa ate all of "his" cookies. Once he got over that, the opening began and he was a very busy kid. The good thing about 3 is he got up and got his own presents from under the tree. He would show me who the name on the card was and wanted me to read it to him, which of course most were for him, and he would tear into it. He wanted to make sure that every piece of paper was off the box. My boy is very detailed.
We are already talking about our event for 2010 and what we can do to help the cause. I found a great non-profit organization for SIDS that is based in Lake Jackson. Good people to talk to. I got some great ideas on how we can make a larger impact on the future of the families of babies being born in the Cypress area. With God's grace we will be able to raise more funds on a yearly basis to get this all started. I also want to work on getting to know other mom's in my area who went through the same loss. I believe there is power in numbers and the more we can get involved the more babies we can hopefully save.
It is a new year. The emails that I get from a grief website had some great ideas for the new year. My 2010 goal is every time I have a negative or sad thought, to replace that thought with a statement of thankfulness. " I am thankful for my family" Hopefully this will help me take it day by day. Another goal is to update this blog more often. It feels good to get my thoughts out of my head and into print. There is some therapy in that too.
Happy New Year!