Monday, November 2, 2009
Beautiful Day today
It has been a while since my last update. We have been trying to stay busy, and that keeps my mind pre-occupied. We are getting better and better as each day passes.
We had a great Halloween with Chase. He was a fireman and loved every minute of getting candy. Randy and I have figured out that we have to cherish the good memories that we have. I do still at times feel guilty for enjoying life though. I will still stop and think, I should be sad, I am not allowed to be happy today. Then I realize that God has a purpose and it is his will. Life will continue to go on around me. and on pretty mornings like today I can't help but think that Jordan is smiling down on us. She is with us in everything we do.
Halloween is the first of many holidays to come that would have been Jordan's "first." What would I have dressed her in? Would she have even been awake to go? Would I have tried to match the kids costumes? I will always have those thoughts. Christmas will be the next big one.
Our next big task is to find her the memorial headstone that will fit her little personality. Another difficult day for the Connell family, but we are making it. I still find it hard to believe that it has been 2 months since we lost her. And I still tell myself that a mother is not supposed to bury her child. That is not part of the cycle of life.
I get a weekly email from a website called http://www.silentgrief.com/. It has given me lots of great articles and uplifting thoughts. This was a paragraph from the one I got today and it really hit home.
"Look at the sunbeams streaming from the heavens and be encouraged! Gaze at the twinkling stars at night and be filled with awe at the details of the universe. Watch a butterfly and be filled with home as you trace the steps of its formation. God's imprint is all around us, and His hands are tenderly holding our hearts and giving us the assurance that we will get through this pain"
"Hope is seeing the rainbow after the storm before the sun comes out"-Clara Hinton
My bible verse of the day is "But as for me, I trust in Thee, O Lord"--Psalm 31:14