Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Her Journey's Just Begun

A dear friend of mine at work gave me this card after we lost Jordan and I keep it on my desk as a constant reminder. I am sitting here thinking about what Jordan would be doing right now and I felt compelled to share it on the blog.

Don't think of her as gone away-
her journey's just begun,
life holds so many facets-
this earth is only one.

Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

And think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost-
and she was loved so much.

Just missing my little girl today and every time I read this I get a little bit of strength. I still have days that I do not want to be the strong one. I want her back and I ask God why did you take her. These short verses tells me that she is at home now, in the arms of my mom and she knows that she was loved so very much.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mother's Day

As mother's day approaches I find it a bittersweet weekend. I am blessed to have a great 3 year old to celebrate with. I miss my little girl and find myself wondering what she would be doing now. Chase is hammering on his tool box while I sit on the couch and type. Jordan's 1st birthday is a little over a month away. What milestones would she be achieving now at 11 months?

It is those milestones that get me sad now, the events in her life that I will not get to experience, the first steps, first words, to hear her say "mommy". I thank God every day for the healthy boy who keeps me busy and baby Hope in my tummy who is due to arrive at the end of July.

I am reminded of a verse from Job in the bible "He gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord" I truly think this is a life motto for the Connell Family. He took our sweet baby Jordan in August and now I sit with a new baby waiting to come out to meet the world. What an emotional cycle of events our life has been through.

I walk into Hallmark to pick out cards for the many mother's in my life and I am reminded as I see the Daughter to Mother cards, plaques and frames. My mom who passed away 7 years ago is not here for me to give some of these great gifts to. To help me get through what would have been my first mother's day with baby Jordan. I look to God to try to find the light in each day. And the HOPE that a new baby girl will be here to meet us soon.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mom's, grandma's, aunts, mother-in-law's and ladies out there reading this. I am blessed to have several mother figures to help keep me going.

I love you mom and I love you Baby Jordan....I miss you both with all of my heart!